We skipped June because life got in the way, and are doing July a whole lot earlier. So, let's just call this the Scariest Recipe of the past two months.
We don't like to rag on one source for the scariest recipes. We go everywhere for them, we scour the food world for them, and even dream about them in our sleep. But never, and I mean never, have we actually gone ahead and MADE one.
Inadvertently, but still, made one.
Since we still don't have the gas to cook on our stove (a fact that constantly irks our landlord, and is about to irk our plumber when I don't stop calling him for the next nine-hundred days in a row until he LABELS THE GAS LINE SO THE GAS COMPANY CAN TURN IT ON!), we have been reduced to what I like to call the dregs of the foodie world:
Raw foodies.
Mostly.
We bought a hot-pot so we could have coffee in the mornings and have used it hence to melt butter and to make simple syrup. We also have a waffle iron and a rotisserie that my mom bought me for Christmas this past year. We have a lot of waffles.
No chicken yet.
But I digress.
Today, we wandered the city, just to do it. The Green Market in Union Square was unencumbered by the masses. We got a record player and a couple of new LPs. We got lunch at Wogies (a misanthropic tale that is bookended by sadness) and came home.
Hannah was hungry and we thought to ourselves...We will make our famous chili tacos, but with black beans and we will cook them in...
THE CROCK POT.
They were inedible.
Crock Pot Tacos
Recipe courtesy Matthias and Hannah's Dumb Asses
2 Cans Organic Black Beans
1 Cup Tequila
1 tsp Chili Powder
1 tsp Cayenne Powder
1 Onion, julianned
4 cloves Garlic, peeled
1 tsp whole cumin
1 Tbsp brown sugar. Yeah, that's right. Brown sugar.
Lime
Roast the onion, garlic and cumin in your rotisserie oven. Doesn't matter what temperature; this is going to suck anyway.
Throw both cans of beans into the crock pot. Add the tequila/spice mixture and stir. Add onions and garlic and crank that baby. Wait two hours, knowing that the only thing you've eaten today is a bowl of strawberries and two waffles and some gorgonzola that you're allergic to. Have some chips and salsa while you wait. It's better this way.
When the flavor isn't quite what you wanted, add the brown sugar. It will make it worse. Cringe in horror and do your best to fix it with half a lime. This only will result in the realization that there is no God, because if there was, He/She/It would NEVER allow such an evil concoction to manifest itself.
Abandon and eat leftovers.
writing by matthias, comic by hannah
There comes a time in every man's life when he must throw off the shackles of tradition and move to something more revolutionary. I speak, of course, of Latin American food.
When I think Latin American food, my journey takes me no further south than Tijuana, home of tequila, tacos, burritos, enchiladas and other such combinations of tortilla, beans, rice and meat. After a while, one begins to get the feeling that perhaps the Central and South Americans over-produced tortillas and didn't know what to do with them. Call me ethnocentric, but you know you're thinking it, too.
Thank heavens for chef and Food Network personality, Tyler Florence. I didn't see this recipe on TV, but Hannah did and told me that I had to make it because I have had an organic free-range pork tenderloin in the freezer for the past three or four months. I remembered how good it was the last time I made it and said, "YES, by gum! I shall make this!"
And I didn't regret it.
You see, what he made was a pork tenderloin marinated in a lime, jalapeño, spice, vinegar, olive oil mixture called chimichurri. This is an Argentinian sauce that has several origins, all of them involving an English colonist with a name not dissimilar to "Jimmy Curry" preparing the sauce and everyone just calling it thus. This leads us to the original Argentine recipe, which involves chopped parsley, dried oregano garlic, salt, pepper, onion and paprika with olive oil. Citrus juice and vinegar are added for pep. Clearly, Tyler made a variation of this with loads of pep and a Mexican influence.
This has simple ingredients. Everything you need is in your produce aisle (assuming you, like me, store your pork tenderloin for months at a time). And it's easy peasy, too. It's an hour, tops.
Pork Tenderloin with Chimichurri
From Tyler Florence
Chimichurri:
6 garlic cloves, peeled and minced
2 jalapenos, seeded and minced
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
About 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
About 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh oregano leaves
3 limes, juiced
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
2 pork tenderloins (about 1 pound each), trimmed of excess fat, patted dry
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Extra-virgin olive oil
Lime juice, for drizzling
Parsley sprigs, for garnish
Combine the garlic, jalapeno and vinegar in a bowl. Stir in the parsley, oregano, and lime juice. Whisk in the olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Mix well and set aside at room temperature to allow the flavors to marry.
Reserve 1/2 cup of the chimichurri to serve and marinate the pork in the rest. Put the pork and marinade in a sealable plastic bag and set aside in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Preheat an outdoor charcoal grill or oven broiler to high.
Remove the pork from the marinade, wiping off any excess. Season both sides with a generous amount of salt and pepper. Drizzle with olive oil and place on the grill. Grill the pork on the hottest part of the barbecue for 4 minutes per side, until well charred. Allow the tenderloin to rest for about 5 minutes prior to slicing. Spoon some chimichurri over the meat, drizzle with lime juice, garnish with parsley, and serve with the remaining sauce at the table.
We served this with beans and basmati with cumin seeds and boiled and roasted carrots. I was stuffed all night. I made two tenderloins and only ate one. So the next day, I made Tenderloin salad for a sandwich:
Tenderloin Salad Sandwich
My own recipe
1 Pork tenderloin, grilled and cubed
1 Tbsp mayonnaise
1 Tbsp sour cream
2 or 3 Tbsp chimichurri sauce (from the previous night)
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine the mayo, sour cream and chimichurri. Add the meat. Season to taste. Place it on a sandwich. Eat.
I got two days of sandwiches out of this. It is fabulous. And if you make this meal, you will never EVER have anything better.
Unless perhaps...a picnic.
