Matthias and I are home cooks. Neither of us has received any formal training, whatsoever. Aside from being voracious readers of blogs, cookbooks, newspapers and food magazines, there is absolutely no reason why we should be considered any kind of experts on food and spew out our recipes and thoughts into the interwebs. But, we do consider ourselves to be conscious, ethical consumers, a couple who linger over breakfasts and dinners (and snacks), a girl and a boy who appreciate the thoughts and ingredients that go into satisfying our eyes, noses, mouths, and sometimes fingers.
But there is a line drawn in the sands of home cooking on the internet that we will not cross. That, my friends is the 'resource' and frustratingly googlebombed cooks.com.
Like so many of you, we do not believe that cooking at home is a matter of assembly. In our experience, we have found cooks.com to be saturated with horrifying 1950s style casseroles, 'easy' preservative-laden shortcuts and substitutions, and typographical errors with sparse and passionless directions, all designed to get something that resembles food onto the table to fill up your belly and let you go on your distracted way, with the vague hint of satiety.
I knew that I wanted to feature this site as April's scariest source, and I knew I wouldn't have to do much digging to find something truly horrifying to share with you as a disgusting recipe. But, in the 'seafood' section, I came upon something called 'Tuna Rice Pie'. I didn't know it would be that easy. An abbreviated search on the interwebs, turned up nothing as to the origins of this monstrous concoction. I could find no cultural heritage, point of origin, or mythology surrounding this excrescence. So, I am going to assume that once upon a time, in 1947 someone had an almost empty pantry, a hungry family, and an oven. There is nothing wrong with this state of living. Life and poverty get in the way and we can't all be foodies all the time. But we should probably never ever ever make this.
And so, it is with a reinvigorated fear of tuna, canned cheese soup, and casserole, that I bring you The Scariest Recipe of the Month: April edition: Tuna Rice Pie.
There are apparently some variations on this culinary offender, some resembling the beloved pot pie, and some closer to quiche, but I have picked what I believe to be the most disgusting incarnation.
Also, one more question: what is converted rice?
Please, if you can offer any cultural or culinary insight that might make this a little less nauseating, do correct or inform me. I love learning.
image sources respectively: EJF, EPH, Andy Warhol
comic by hannah
There comes a time in every man's life when he must throw off the shackles of tradition and move to something more revolutionary. I speak, of course, of Latin American food.
When I think Latin American food, my journey takes me no further south than Tijuana, home of tequila, tacos, burritos, enchiladas and other such combinations of tortilla, beans, rice and meat. After a while, one begins to get the feeling that perhaps the Central and South Americans over-produced tortillas and didn't know what to do with them. Call me ethnocentric, but you know you're thinking it, too.
Thank heavens for chef and Food Network personality, Tyler Florence. I didn't see this recipe on TV, but Hannah did and told me that I had to make it because I have had an organic free-range pork tenderloin in the freezer for the past three or four months. I remembered how good it was the last time I made it and said, "YES, by gum! I shall make this!"
And I didn't regret it.
You see, what he made was a pork tenderloin marinated in a lime, jalapeño, spice, vinegar, olive oil mixture called chimichurri. This is an Argentinian sauce that has several origins, all of them involving an English colonist with a name not dissimilar to "Jimmy Curry" preparing the sauce and everyone just calling it thus. This leads us to the original Argentine recipe, which involves chopped parsley, dried oregano garlic, salt, pepper, onion and paprika with olive oil. Citrus juice and vinegar are added for pep. Clearly, Tyler made a variation of this with loads of pep and a Mexican influence.
This has simple ingredients. Everything you need is in your produce aisle (assuming you, like me, store your pork tenderloin for months at a time). And it's easy peasy, too. It's an hour, tops.
Pork Tenderloin with Chimichurri
From Tyler Florence
Chimichurri:
6 garlic cloves, peeled and minced
2 jalapenos, seeded and minced
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
About 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
About 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh oregano leaves
3 limes, juiced
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
2 pork tenderloins (about 1 pound each), trimmed of excess fat, patted dry
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Extra-virgin olive oil
Lime juice, for drizzling
Parsley sprigs, for garnish
Combine the garlic, jalapeno and vinegar in a bowl. Stir in the parsley, oregano, and lime juice. Whisk in the olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Mix well and set aside at room temperature to allow the flavors to marry.
Reserve 1/2 cup of the chimichurri to serve and marinate the pork in the rest. Put the pork and marinade in a sealable plastic bag and set aside in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Preheat an outdoor charcoal grill or oven broiler to high.
Remove the pork from the marinade, wiping off any excess. Season both sides with a generous amount of salt and pepper. Drizzle with olive oil and place on the grill. Grill the pork on the hottest part of the barbecue for 4 minutes per side, until well charred. Allow the tenderloin to rest for about 5 minutes prior to slicing. Spoon some chimichurri over the meat, drizzle with lime juice, garnish with parsley, and serve with the remaining sauce at the table.
We served this with beans and basmati with cumin seeds and boiled and roasted carrots. I was stuffed all night. I made two tenderloins and only ate one. So the next day, I made Tenderloin salad for a sandwich:
Tenderloin Salad Sandwich
My own recipe
1 Pork tenderloin, grilled and cubed
1 Tbsp mayonnaise
1 Tbsp sour cream
2 or 3 Tbsp chimichurri sauce (from the previous night)
Salt and pepper to taste
Combine the mayo, sour cream and chimichurri. Add the meat. Season to taste. Place it on a sandwich. Eat.
I got two days of sandwiches out of this. It is fabulous. And if you make this meal, you will never EVER have anything better.
Unless perhaps...a picnic.
